I always woke a tiny bit earlier and shifted my body to face you. I wanted to imprint your sleeping face permanently like a tattoo in my mind. You somehow always knew when I was about to sneak out of bed so you’d mutter my name softly and pull me into the warmth of your embrace. Oh god, how I loved that. I would tightly press my head into your chest and thought blissfully to myself: “I love you so much and you are really mine.”
We would lazily roll out of bed on Sunday mornings. You would brag about your cooking skills and I’d make a smoothie that tasted too much of banana. You would tease me about it then I would turn my back to you and pretend I am upset but I never was, your hugs from behind are the best. You love orange juice with bits, bacon in the morning, snacks at midnight and sushi made your eyes lit up.
Some nights were quiet and we would lie in bed browsing memes while other nights our laughter bounced across the bedroom as we jokingly rolled each other off the bed. Under the moonlight our fingers intertwined as we walked, sometimes you’d even twirl me around once or twice and I couldn’t stop myself from thinking: “How I absolutely adore you.”
I came to know love but now I must choose and be selfish for my sake, all or none. And I choose none and I hope you understand. There are many things I still want to say to you yet I remain speechless. Plenty of things I wish to whisper in your ears yet my lips won’t open. I feel as if I am ready to burst yet I utter no sounds. My own voice can no longer reach you because you are mine no more and I must let you go. So for now let me bury you in the depths of this void so we owe each other nothing.
crimsonlilies 